Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Promised Land : promised by whom?
Friday, October 26, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Nobel Peace Prize
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
12 Rules for being a Pakistan cricket supporter
1. You will likely suffer from high blood pressure or a heart attack while attending the game or watching it on TV. Have prior arrangements made with the local hospital for your arrival.
2. When the decision for OUT/NOT OUT is pending, it must be defeated by praying. No questions asked.
3. A supporter must scream at least one obscenity (either at the player or at the TV) if something goes wrong. Everybody enjoys a good heckle, whether it’s telling a player how poorly they are playing or something about his mother.
4. If you’re not dressed in a Pakistan cricket jersey, painted green from head-to-toe or not waving or wearing a Pakistani flag it will be your fault if they lose.
5. Have a radio on standby if a power outage is imminent.
6. We are an unpredictable team…never count them out. If Pakistan needs 100 runs to win with 1 wicket remaining, 50% of the time they will win.
7. Opposing teams’ fans should be ignored until after we beat them….that’s when we heckle them out of the ground. In rivalries however , all bets are off. Your rival is the scum of the Earth and you should let him or her know about it.
8. After hitting that clutch six in the final overs of a game, you should proceed to slap everyone’s hand and jump up and down.
9. If we hit a six, four or bowl someone out, let the world know on Twitter and Facebook (and how happy you are).
10. If you see Chacha Cricket in the stands, say hello.
11. If we lose the match, write down all the possible reasons why the match was fixed and who the most likely culprit is.
12. Punch anyone in the kidney who attends to their mobile during the match. No excuses.
A Guide To Punjabi Curses
Ø Ja Pehn Yahvaa: Go away
Ø Teri Bund PaaR Deyanga: I don’t like you.
Ø Teri Bund PaaR Ke Hath Ich PhaRa Deyanga: I really don’t like you.
Ø Aa, Kutteya, Dalleya, Kanjara!: I like you!
Ø Zehn Nu LoRay Lag Gaye Ne: I am confused.
Ø Changi Bund Band Hoi Ai: I am worried.
Ø Bund Ich Khurak Hundi Ai: I want to do something inadvisable.
Ø TeriaN KyoN JhuwaN SaRdiaN Ne?: What’s it to you?
Ø Aeh Kee Lulbaazi Ai?: This is not right.
Ø Meri Bund Maar Lao: I give up, I’ve had enough.
Ø Laala Musa KhariaN, tey Pehn Yuhaan SavariaN: I am going to do whatever I want.
Ø Kithay Bund Maraan Jaana Aen?: Where are you going?
Ø TuN Kithay Pehn Yuhan Gaya Si?: Where have you been?
Ø Lun Baabay Da!: No way!
Ø MaaiN Dhui Vich Daang Le Leya Ai: I have gotten myself into trouble.
Ø Hun Lun PhaR Ke Beh Ravo: Nothing can be done now.
Ø Kisay Vele Bund Nai Vi Marvaai Di: Don't just sit there, do something useful for once.
Ø Tenu Bund Vich Taar Aaee Ai?: And how do you know this?
Ø TuN Nira Lun ‘i Ain: I am disappointed in you.
Ø TuN Aap Hi Ungal Layi Honi Aey: It’s your fault.
Ø Oudhi Maa Nu Kuttay zheen: I hope it doesn’t work out for him.
Ø Onhe meri Bund Leeti: He criticized me.
Ø Onhe Meri Bund Ich BaaN Pai Ai: He won’t let me off the hook.
Ø Oda Phuddu Lagga Ai: He's very lucky.
Ø Ai BaRa Gandoo Ai: He's very clever.
Ø Tu’i Khaali Kar Ditti Su: He’s given up.
Ø Lun Te Chand Maari Keeti Su: That hurt on a personal level.
Ø Pehn Di Lun!: This is amazing!
Ø BundaaN PaaR Deyaan Ge!: We shall triumph.
Ø TussaN Ki Yehn Khata Kholeya Ai: I do not trust your establishment.
Ø Ullo Da Patha!: I can’t curse because the kids are listening.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
10 Pakistanis you’ll meet before you turn 65
10 Pakistanis you’ll meet before you turn 65 By Amna Iqbal
1- Holier than thou – the dars aunty
Much like the scorned mullah, the dars Aunty’s default settings are programmed in a manner that will surely drown you in self-loathing. She will seize every opportunity to tell you what women are not allowed to do, which is pretty much everything from watching The Dark Knight Rises during your roza to stepping out with friends after dinner, to having friends in the first place. She will go as far as to tell you the exact number of paces a woman has to walk behind her mehram escort while she ferociously prays for your forgiveness on her tasbih.
2- I’m allergic to cheep - The rich socialite
She carries an Hermes Birkin and will need an extra chair for it at the table. She knows everyone who’s worth knowing and will be snapped with that worthy lot at various events — pictures of which will then appear in The Express Tribune’s “Spotted in Hermes” column. Her husband is the second most important accessory after her Birkin and her love for him is inversely proportional to his objections to her daily socialising.
3- Yeh zameen humari hai (literally) - The feudal
Poor Tehmina Durrani couldn’t do much to wipe out feudal culture with her insightful publication that did not at all sound like a personal rant of a bored housewife. This description of a prototypical feudal lord is not at all exaggerated: he lords over his own little kingdom while his son parades around in a monster-sized vehicle with guns for accessories (think “Wadeiray Ka Beta”). But there has been some evolution over the years. Most of them now have ‘foreign degrees’! Yup, even their feudal princesses ‘go abroad’ to college. The lifestyles, however, remain the same (refer to the rich aunty for details).
4- Hardees is in Nazimabad? - The burger bacha
He will know the exact location of obscure cafés and bars in London and New York, but place him anywhere beyond the bridge and he will run around like a headless chicken. To show his Pakistaniyat, he will wear Gulabo truck art shirts and give ethnic chic a go. He will also say “preggers” instead of pregnant.
5- That’s tel, not gel - The Maila
The Maila Pakistani is cool. He will take the burger, spice it up to make the perfect bun kebab and will reduce you to tears. Those tears could also be a result of his fake Gucci perfume that he bathed in. His pants are so tight, the sight of them stopping his blood circulation makes you grimace. But you love him and he makes you smile, simply because you are overjoyed that he’s a confident Pakistani. He’s found it and he wears it. Tight. That shiny tint in his hair is not gel — he cares enough about his locks to know not to use products that induce hair loss.
6- Chai, Paani - The policewala
You want to turn around and run away at the mere sight of him, but deep down inside, you pity him for the dark vortex he is trapped in. If you do happen to be sucked into that vortex (which can happen at any time of the day but is usually post-sunset) you will be asked to explain the where, what, how, why, why not, of everything. The highlight of his day is rounding up a couple in a car/motorbike and asking for their nikhanama (no, his name is not Maya Khan). His goal, however, is not law enforcement but chai, paani — an amount of money directly proportional to what you want to get away with.
7- Revolution - The armchair activist
These guys want to change the world with their rants blogs and posts online (re-tweet). After they’re done liking their high school acquaintance’s friends’ shaadi pictures, they will replug an article on Syria/the Arab Spring/Burma killings from the New York Times, with a comment on how Pakistan should learn from it. They meet at T2F and say (and tweet) nice things about each other while drinking gallons of black coffee, picking fights with other armchair activists and trying to fight for #minoritiesrights (re-tweet + 1,000).
8- With her satellite jharoo - The gossip maasi
If all modes of communication in the world were to break down in this country of breakdowns, the gossip maasi is sure to save Pakistan. She has an innate ability to catch signals of distress or excitement in the remotest of zones. Even if you think she was sleeping at 10pm, she knows you were up talking to your boyfriend till midnight, or that your brother snuck out of the house for sehri. She has enough space in her memory drive to save all information — even about your neighbours, her old employers, and her gaon wali seheli’s ex-husband’s pet buffalo. If you have secrets, she knows them. And she will tell.
9- Too close for comfort - The sleazy uncle
“Beta, you have grown so big, come closer so that these old eyes can see you better.” No, this is not a Pakistani spin on the wolf’s lines from “Little Red Riding Hood” — it’s the one uncle who takes the idea of a ‘close-knit family’ a bit too seriously. His paternal hugs last just a few seconds too long, the pats on the head creep down and don’t stop sliding until his wife looks up from her plate of food and gives him that killer stare.
10- Smile and (tsunami) wave - The politician
He’ll yell himself hoarse on a TV talk show and bang his fist on a table to emphasise his point, especially when he has none. He loves to gesticulate, accuse, abuse and swear if there is a camera around him, but you won’t catch him picking up so much as a wrapper on the road — even if it flies right into his face.
Published in The Express Tribune, August 14th, 2012.Saturday, August 18, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Deliberate media propaganda
(updated below)
Earlier this week, The New York Times reported that the Obama administration, in order to conceal civilian deaths caused by their drone attacks, “counts all military-age males in a strike zone as combatants.” Although I wrote at length about the NYT‘s various revelations, I wrote separately about that specific disclosure, in order to emphasize the implications for media outlets reporting on American drone attacks:
What kind of self-respecting media outlet would be party to this practice? Here’s the New York Times documenting that this is what the term “militant” means when used by government officials. Any media outlet that continues using it while knowing this is explicitly choosing to be an instrument for state propaganda.
Early this morning, the U.S. fired a missile from a drone in northwest Pakistan — its first since the NYT story – and killed two people. Here’s how The Washington Post is now touting the article about this attack on its online front page:
Readers who click on that story are greeted by an Associated Press story bearing this headline:
There is, as usual, no indication that these media outlets have any idea whatsoever about who was killed in these strikes. All they know is that “officials” (whether American or Pakistani) told them that they were “militants,” so they blindly repeat that as fact. They “report” this not only without having the slightest idea whether it’s true, but worse, with the full knowledge that the word “militant” is being aggressively distorted by deceitful U.S. government propaganda that defines the term to mean: any “military-age males” whom we kill (the use of the phrase “suspected militants” in the body of the article suffers the same infirmity).
How is it possible to have any informed democratic debate over a policy about which the U.S. media relentlessly propagandizes this way? If drone strikes kill nobody other than “militants,” then very few people will even think about opposing them (and that’s independent of the fact that the word “militant” is a wildly ambiguous term — militant about what? — though it is clearly designed (when combined with “Pakistan”) to evoke images of those who attacked the World Trade Center). Debate-suppression is not just the effect but the intent of this propaganda: like all propaganda, it is designed to deceive the citizenry in order to compel acquiescence to government conduct.
In light of this week’s revelation about what “militant” actually means when used by “officials,” there really needs to be some concerted, organized campaign to target media outlets every time they use the term this way. Because this particular article lacks a byline, one way to start here would be to complain to the Washington Post Ombudsman (whose contact information is in the last line here) and to Associated Press (at the email listed here). In the meantime, I’ve contacted AP requesting a response, and will work on a more organized effort to target media outlets every time they do this. This is nothing short of a deliberate government/media misinformation campaign about an obviously consequential policy.
* * * * *
Speaking of propaganda, the media watchdog group FAIR notes what was entirely predictable (and specifically predicted): that MSNBC — with the exception of a brief discussion on Morning Joe and this quite good monologue from Ari Melber on The Dylan Ratigan Show – never once mentioned to their progressive audience any of the NYT‘s highly disturbing revelations about President Obama’s “kill list” (even as they droned on and on and on about audience-pleasing trivialities such as Donald Trump’s malice). FAIR adds: “In fact, a far more interesting discussion of these questions can be heard on Fox News Channel,” including “a soundbite from the ACLU to illustrate criticism from the left.” [Chris Hayes, on his morning weekend show, is, as usual, a noble exception].
For those who missed it, here is Stephen Colbert’s three-minute monologue from Thursday night on the way in which the Obama administration has re-defined “militant”:
UPDATE: Chris Woods, Senior Reporter with the Bureau of Investigative Journalism, which has done sterling work in documenting drone attacks in Pakistan, emails today to say this:
Today’s strike is far from clear right now: maybe one – or two events. May also involve civilian deaths (Dawn reports that the motorbike was accidentally hit). . . .
There’s also an obverse to this coin. As well as reporting all those killed as “militants”, the mainstream US media is consistently failing to report when civilians are credibly reported killed, even as media internationally do so.
Excepting today, civilians have only been reported killed twice in Pakistan in 2012, from 17 attacks (February 9 and May 24). On both occasions civilian deaths were reported by major international agencies (Reuters, AP etc), and picked up worldwide (eg BBC, Jerusalem Post…) But not within the US. I can find no reference to civilian casualties in any mainstream US publication on either occasion (for the May 24 attack most also censored out the fact that a mosque was hit.)
So the US mainstream media is not only classing all victims – regardless of known status – as “militants.” It is actively censoring out actual reports of civilian deaths.
This is the same American media that loves to mock Pakistanis for being so very propagandized.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
how to get Pakistani citizen's attention
And in related news:
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2010/07/12/data-shows-pakistan-googling-pornographic-material/
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
20 Million Silenced?
In a shocking display of bravado, the Pakistani government has put an ad in their national papers asking for companies to help them build a national Chinese-style censorship firewall. This would censor 20 million internet users in one go!
Since the ad was published, we’ve worked with our friends in Pakistan calling on the Prime Minister to put an end to this madness. As part of a growing international coalition, we’re going a step further by urging international and local corporations to publicly denounce the project and vow not to submit proposals to build this massive censorship system.
At least four western IT companies have already said they won’t participate (Websense, Cisco, Verizon, and Sandvine). Now we need you to help persuade other firms to urgently follow suit before the bidding deadline this Friday. Add your name here calling upon Bluecoat, Huawei, McAfee, Netsweeper, ZTE, and all other local bidders to refuse to play a role in putting up the walls of censorship.
https://www.accessnow.org/20-million-silenced
We have already won a battle like this before, when you helped convince four Western companies to withdraw from building a new surveillance system in Syria. The people of Pakistan have a hard fight ahead of them and they are asking for our help, including stopping local groups from bidding.
As we acknowledge World Day Against Cyber-Censorship on March 12, and recognize that one-third of all internet users do not have access to an unrestricted internet, we need assurances from all of these companies that they won’t participate in censorship. We need their word, so let’s ask them for it. Sign the petition below and we’ll target each corporation before the deadline: https://www.accessnow.org/20-million-silencedWith determination,
The Access Team
SOURCES
Bytes for All: Locking up the Cyberspace in Pakistan
Bolo Bhi: Filtering Content on the Internet
Business Human Resource Centre
The Express Tribune: The futility of censorship
Sunday, March 4, 2012
A log that reveals too much but not confirmed
Friday, March 02, 2012ISLAMABAD: On May 8, 2011, six days after the May 2 US Abbottabad operation which got Osama bin Laden, I received an email message from a source never known to me before, but it contained a lot of sensitive data, part of which appears to be similar to what the main memogate witness Mansoor Ijaz has revealed on Thursday before the memo commission in London. The subject of the email was “CODE-663” and the source claimed to be from an intelligence agency. The revelations in the message were startling like that one official on very senior position was making hectic efforts in the middle of the night of May 2 to ask the other person who also occupies very senior position if he had permitted Washington to launch the Abbottabad operation. It is totally unclear whether Mansoor Ijaz has obtained his information and data from the same source and whether he confirmed or authenticated the data from any credible Pakistani authority before putting such sensitive issues before the memo commission. The same e-mail gave a detailed account of the monitoring logs of the Air Traffic Control, which had timely captured the intrusion of US choppers and had informed all concerned about it immediately including even scrambling Pakistani F-16 aircraft to shoot down the choppers and force them to land inside Pakistan. Since the information was never confirmed to us when we cross checked it then, therefore, it was decided not to use it then and no story was published based on this information. However, now after Mansoor Ijaz’s disclosures, some of which match what is contained in the Code 663 Email, it gets some credence but still remains unconfirmed by any competent Pakistani authority.However, since the data is now partly in the memo commission, the responsible Pakistani authorities ought to take a clear position on whether the information contained is accurate or not and this could have serious and monumental repercussions. For the interest of the readers, the email is reproduced here but some of its portions including names of the senior most persons mentioned in it are deleted because of no authentic confirmation. This is also not clear how many other people received this email from the same source and when. The e-mail reads: “CODE-663BackgroundClashes between CIA and ISI began after the denial of NWA operation by Pakistan and its refusal to sharing information till the time it’s not two way. It said Pakistan will not share information if the relationship remains one way. After the Rymond D case ISI asked CIA to disclose the location of her agents/employees in Pakistan and tell us what was the nature of their emplacement in Pakistan? After repeated questioning CIA kept denying that they have so many operatives in Pakistan. In the recent past when the clashes b/w ISI and CIA got worsened Pakistan took the stand that ISI will not support any CIA activity in Afghanistan or Pakistan if they do not declare their operatives in Pakistan. To this effect CIA officials denied in plain words that no such clarification will be made to ISI. However after lot of discussion CIA agreed to declare 1079 officials which were operating in Pakistan under various capacities. For remaining they denied to give any clue. ISI had a list of 438 US officials which were in Pakistan but were not present in any consulate or embassy staff of any city. Their whereabouts were asked from CIA, to which they gave a funny reply that many of them have been lost.....? what lost......? Where...? How....? CIA claimed that these operatives were used in FATA area for the war on terror but in various incidents they have either been kidnapped or killed by Taliban so now they were no more in Pakistan. This stupid reply was totally non-digestible by ISI. ISI clearly stated that if CIA will not cooperate with ISI on the table of trust basing upon justice and equality than ISI was also not bound to keep the ties as they were. This strict reply and warning was not expected by CIA. Exchange of harsh words occurred b/w ISI and CIA. At the end ISI gave 3 levels of warnings to CIA and deadline of 2 May 2011 was given to them after which ISI will not be bound to act as partner to Tri-Star Intelligence Sharing Pact. As execution of its 1st level warning given to CIA and few secret pieces of information were shared with China, UK and Germany against CIA. Similarly involvement of CIA behind Egypt, Behrain and KSA was point of concern for their respective govts. The frustrated US establishment contacted one of the very senior persons who as usual could not sustain the pressure and asked the other very senior person about it. However it was declared a routine matter between intelligence agencies. Sequence of events on night of May 02:The sequence of events on the D-night were as following: The below mentioned summary of conversations and timings are recorded at Air Traffic Controls (ATCs) of various cities and can be confirmed from the radar and ATC officers and operators. TimeActivity00392 x US choppers crossed the international border and entered Pakistan00472 x more US choppers crossed international border and entered Pakistan0040 Pilot exchanged his call sign with ATC0041ATC: give destination?0041Chopper: heading Chaklala AB0043ATC Exchanged call sign with all 4 choppers and came to know that one of them was remote vehicle and not being flown by any human. 0044ATC swat, PMA, FF center, Frontier House and Chaklala heard this conversation b/w the pilot and chaklala ATC.0045ATC checked and got confirmation from base HQ that 3 of them were regular aircraft of US Embassy in Islamabad and these were the routine flights however time was not as per routine. 0058The leading formation pilot changed his course and diverted towards Abbottabad0058ATC: Why the flight path has been changed to north east?0058Pilot: we are facing dense clouds and mountain peaks so we will divert from Abbotabbad 0059ATC: okay the path as it’s a routine procedure for heli pilots that they can divert for clouds and peaks specially at night.01053 x choppers started hovering over Abbotabbad0105 ATC: Why you have stopped?0106Pilot: we are facing some technical difficulty and we will rectify it before coming to Chaklala0107ATC got suspicious and gave alert to AOC (Air Operations Center PAF HQ) 0107SOTF (SSG Special Operations Task Force) got alert and informed GHQ. Within minutes at least four persons holding very senior positions in the country were in picture of the situation being developed in Abbotabbad. 0107ATC PMA told the pilot to divert to PMA so that the fault could be rectified0107Pilot: gave no answer0108Pilot: we are being fired0109Pilot: one of our heli is down and we need to land 0109SOTF (Special Operations Task Force) present near PMA were alert and reached the site where the chopper was preparing to land.0110After this all ATCs kept contacting choppers but none of them replied 0110SOTF officials saw that one of the choppers fired on remotely flown aerial vehicle and hit that with its own fire. SOTF force tried to enter the compound where the US chopper was hovering on and the CIA operatives were sling down. The cordon was being maintained by the CIA and they didn’t allowed SOTF to enter. A major from SOTF was warned not to interfere as the operation was being conducted after the approval of one of the very senior persons. The major got hold of 2 CIA agents and forcefully entered the compound where he saw the operatives who were coming down from heli. Meanwhile PMA contacted one of the senior persons and asked if it was being done with his permission. He negated and said that he was already on it so wait for further orders. Meanwhile Pentagon was contacted by a very senior person and asked what is going on? Pentagon replied that there is an operation being conducted and its permission has been given by another senior person. 0113One senior person contacts other five senior persons on hotline.0119One senior person was told to intercept the US Choppers.0118PAF Bases at Peshawar and Sargodha were sent red alerts on two minutes notice. 0121Four F-16s took off from both bases.0125One senior person contacts the office of another senior person to say that he has permitted the operation, thus no intervention should be made. 0130Another senior person, however, gave orders to force the choppers to land within Pakistan, failing which they may be shot down.0136F-16s got the choppers at zero line (border between Pakistan and Afghanistan). 0137US Formation Commander was asked to divert the route and land in Pakistan to which he denied and repeated that permission was given by one senior person of Pakistan and he’d not therefore make a landing. 0139Choppers crossed Pak territory and entered into Afghanistan. Pak F-16s however kept chasing them.0140US Formation Commander apparently contacted Pentagon to ask them to get Pak F-16s removed. 0140Office of one senior person again received a call from the office of another senior person that no adventure should be undertaken as the operation was done with his approval. A senior person gives the message that “there are few things that I would personally brief you in the morning and nothing should be done now. F-16s should be called back”. 0144Message was conveyed to Pak pilots to return.0430